Everyone is familiar with the struggles of coming to grips with the realities of life, especially when the expectations of our youth are gradually or suddenly upended. No one knows this better than the Quinones-Garcia family. One of Boys Town New England’s In-Home Family Services Consultants, Michael Robinson, was informed of a particularly unique situation regarding this family earlier this year.
The youngest daughter of the Quinones-Garcia family lost their mother at the tender age of 9, leaving her with no one else in the world, or at least so she thought. Following her mother’s passing she was accepted into foster care by her mother’s landlords, who took care of her for the time being. However, her biological father found out that the mother had passed away and went to court, winning custody of his daughter. They had been estranged for most his daughter’s life, having had extremely sporadic contact, meeting only three or four times, and he had very little experience being a father. The father in turn spoke very little English, so establishing some parameters and “good parenting” practices was difficult at first.
From the beginning, Mr. Garcia had a great deal of trouble re-establishing his relationship with his daughter. She herself wouldn’t let her father near her, didn’t want anything to do with him or to engage with him in activities (i.e. board games, going to the movies, etc.). It got to the point that she would have daily emotional outbursts — crying, tantrums — with no signs of things changing. She did have a more established relationship with the maternal grandmother and aunt of the family, who she would engage with in positive behavior and social outings on occasion.
Despite this, Mr. Garcia was deeply motivated to improve and re-establish this relationship from the ground up, so he put in the work with Michael to learn new parenting strategies. Michael helped school him on a variety of different techniques to help approach his daughter, including a “calm down kit,” and Michael and Mr. Garcia role played different scenarios to communicate and help Mr. Garcia become a more open and loving parental figure. From there, Michael encouraged Mr. Garcia to be the parent, as well as the friend, that his daughter needed while also taking charge of disciplinary situations rather than handing them off to the grandmother. Speaking with the grandmother, she and Michael agreed that it was a necessary step in re-establishing their father-daughter relationship.
Now, many weeks later, there has been a complete turnaround. Mr. Garcia and his little girl are baking cookies together, going on different social/public outings, and she even does his makeup from time to time — eyeliner or no eyeliner. Michael himself has felt “comfortable with closing” this case, however, seeks to maintain a relationship with the family, checking in on them periodically. Mr. Garcia’s daughter smiles every time Michael comes to visit, telling him all about their most recent trip to the library, mall or the local park.
We would like to highlight and show our appreciation for the incredible work of the In-Home Family Services program at Boys Town New England. It has always been the purpose of the program to help kids stay in the homes they want to stay in, along with their parent(s), in healthy environments, while engaging in positive reunification processes. The Quinones-Garica family’s case has proven to be a great success, reinforcing familial bonds, developing open communication and emphasizing positive reinforcement in a loving home.
