When most parents think about dating conversations, they imagine a first crush, a school dance, or the moment their teen asks to go out with someone. But by the time a young person goes on their first date, many of their beliefs about relationships are already taking shape.
At Boys Town, behavioral health experts emphasize that healthy relationships aren’t something teens simply “figure out.” They are skills that must be taught, modeled, and practiced long before dating begins.
And the stakes are real. According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1 in 12 high school students experience physical dating violence, and nearly 1 in 10 experience sexual dating violence. Those numbers highlight why prevention, not reaction, matters.
Healthy Relationships Are Built on Skills, Not Intensity
Teen relationships are often portrayed as dramatic, all-consuming, or fueled by constant communication. In reality, healthy relationships look much calmer and steadier.
They include:
- Mutual respect, where both people feel valued and heard
- Clear communication without fear or pressure
- The ability to say “no” without guilt
- Independence, where teens maintain friendships and interests outside the relationship
When teens understand that respect and boundaries are non-negotiable, they’re more likely to recognize when something doesn’t feel right and feel confident walking away.
Consent and Boundaries Go Beyond Physical Touch
Many families associate consent only with physical intimacy. But consent is a broader concept that should be introduced much earlier and reinforced often.
Consent applies to:
- Time and availability
- Emotional boundaries
- Digital space and social media
- Privacy and personal information
Teaching children to both respect and assert boundaries in friendships and everyday interactions lays the groundwork for healthier romantic relationships later on.
Red Flags Can Be Subtle
Unhealthy behaviors don’t always start with obvious warning signs. In fact, some behaviors can initially look like affection or attentiveness.
Parents should pay attention to patterns such as:
- Pressure to respond immediately to texts or messages
- Isolation from friends or family
- Monitoring social media or phone activity
- Guilt disguised as affection
When young people are taught early that control and pressure are not signs of love, they are better prepared to identify unhealthy dynamics.
How Parents Can Start Now, Even If Dating Feels Far Away
You don’t need to wait until your child is dating to begin these conversations. In fact, everyday moments provide the best teaching opportunities.
- Talk about respect and fairness when discussing friendships.
- Point out healthy (and unhealthy) relationship dynamics in TV shows or movies.
- Model boundary-setting in your own relationships.
- Encourage your child to trust their instincts when something feels uncomfortable.
The goal isn’t to scare children about relationships. It’s to empower them. When teens understand what healthy relationships look like, they’re more prepared to build them and to leave situations that don’t reflect those standards.
At Boys Town New England, we believe prevention is one of the most powerful tools families have. By teaching relationship skills early, respect, communication, consent, and independence, we can help young people build connections rooted in safety, confidence, and mutual care.