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Success in SchoolIssue 1 2 3 4

Classmates, Friends And Peer Pressure

Learning the ropes of the social side of school can sometimes be more difficult for kids than the academic assignments they have to complete. In school, especially in the early elementary grades, children are suddenly thrust into a new and unfamiliar world where they have to get along with others, listen to and obey their teachers, and figure out how to fit in.

Knowing certain social skills, like introducing yourself and carrying on a conversation, gives children a big advantage when it comes to making friends and getting along with classmates. As a parent, you can begin teaching these important skills early on, so by the time your children reach school age, they’ll be better prepared for their new life at school. But remember: It’s never too late to teach and practice skills with your children and to guide them in how to develop healthy relationships with other students and teachers.

Making Friends

Besides being important at school, the skill of making friends is one that will serve your children throughout their lives.

Most friendships begin with an introduction, so it’s important for children to learn the skill of introducing themselves. There are five steps, though the step of shaking a person’s hand may be left out for younger children:

  1. Look at the person and smile.
  2. Use a pleasant voice.
  3. Say, “Hi, my name is...”
  4. Shake the person’s hand.
  5. When you leave, say, “It was nice to meet you.”

While this may seem simple to us as adults, it’s not something that comes naturally to children. It’s important that you practice this skill with your child over and over so they become comfortable using it. Have your child practice how they would use the skill on the playground, in the lunchroom or when they sit next to someone they don’t know in the classroom. In other words, help them get ready for any situation they might find themselves in during a typical school day. Also, children constantly watch and mimic their parents, so it is important for you to model this skill as part of this teaching activity over the next few weeks.

It’s also a good idea to talk to your child about what makes a good friend, how to make friendships stronger and when a person might not be a friend. For a list of discussion points about friendships, click here.

Avoiding Peer Pressure

Wherever there are kids, there is peer pressure. Peer pressure can be good or bad. If your child makes friends with other students who work hard and do well in their classes, this can lead to peer pressure within the group to succeed academically. This is why it’s so important for children to be part of positive and nurturing peer groups. On the other hand, when children are part of “the wrong crowd,” there’s a greater temptation to go down the wrong path, display negative behavior and do poorly in class.

Teaching Activity

Putting on the Pressure

Sooner or later, older students will face negative peer pressure to use alcohol or drugs. Each day this week, practice a different situation where your teen might have to make good decisions, say “No” and resist this kind of pressure.

You can involve the whole family in this activity. For example, have your teen’s brother or sister pretend to be a friend at a party who offers your teen an alcoholic drink. Other family members can then jump in and add to the peer pressure by saying, “You’re not cool if you don’t take it,” or “C’mon! Everyone is drinking!”

At this point, have your teen ask these questions in order to make a decision and come up with a response:

  • Is this wrong or illegal?
  • Why do they want me to do this?
  • What will happen if I don’t go along? Am I afraid they will laugh at me?
  • What will happen if I do go along? Will I get in trouble with my parents, or even the police?

As your teen thinks about the possible consequences of giving in or resisting, have them say how they feel. If they have an uneasy feeling, something is probably wrong. Let your teen know it’s okay to say “No.”

You can also help your teen come up with other responses they can use to resist peer pressure. If they don’t feel comfortable when friends want them to do something questionable, they can buy time to make a good decision by saying, "Maybe later" or "I'll wait and see." And tell them it’s okay to use the excuse: "I will be grounded forever if I try that."

Social Skill

Resisting Negative Peer Pressure

This skill can provide your child with a specific way to respond to negative peer pressure and make good decisions. The steps are:

  1. Look at the person.
  2. Use a calm, assertive voice.
  3. State clearly that you do not want to engage in the inappropriate activity.
  4. Suggest an alternative activity. Give a reason.
  5. If the person persists, continue to say, “No.”
  6. If the peer will not accept your “No” answer, ask them to leave, or remove yourself from the situation.

Coming up in Issue 3

Be an Involved Parent

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Know Who's Teaching Your Children

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Accepting Decisions of Authority

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