Tips for Parents to Help Youth

Dealing with Your Children’s Friends

What should you do when your child’s friends don’t respect your house rules? Most parents have to deal with this type of situation sooner or later: Your son’s buddy brings cigarettes into your home; your daughter’s friend uses disrespectful or vulgar language; perhaps you want your kids and their friends to remove their shoes before walking on the carpets. How should you deal with these and other problems? Better yet, how can you prevent them?

First, use pre-teaching with your children to make your expectations clear. Spend some time discussing the reasons for certain behaviors. Ask them what they think of their friends’ behavior. This is a good starting point for discussion. Remind them of your rules, and let them know that you expect their friends to follow them also. Some kids will take it from there, telling friends what is and is not allowed. You may decide to try a non-confrontational visit with the friends: "We play video games for 30 minutes and then turn them off." In this way, you may be able to prevent most, if not all, problems.

If someone still doesn’t follow the rules, or if something comes up that hasn’t been covered, be direct and firm. Ask him or her to remove the cap, or leave the gang colors at the door, or remove shoes from the furniture. Your child can work behind the scenes, putting the blame on his "goofy" parents if he or she needs to save face.

If you remain firm but pleasant, the kids will often comply and may even appreciate your straightforwardness. If you run into a child who refuses to follow your rules despite all your efforts, you should consider not allowing him or her to come over for a while, and then trying again.