Tips for Parents to Help Youth

Bullies

Everybody knows a bully: They lurk around every school and playground. And, for every bully, there has to be at least one victim. How can you help your children deal with a bully?

Victims frequently have a history of being rejected by other kids. They may be insecure, fearful, oversensitive, or lacking in assertiveness or social skills. They may have irritating habits and have few friends. Most victims are physically weaker than their bully counterparts: Bullies are not likely to "pick on someone their own size."

It’s obvious that bullies need to learn how to be friendly to others. Unfortunately, the people who know this best—the victims—probably aren’t going to be able to bring about this change. But victims can take steps to protect themselves and make living with a bully easier. Here are some steps your child can take to learn to deal with a bully:

Learn how to make friends. Develop a sense of humor, and increase your confidence around others. There is strength in numbers: If you are with friends, a bully is less likely to attack you.
Practice several come-back lines. Keep them short. Make sure you don’t say something sarcastic about the bully. For example, if someone calls you a wimp, say something like, "Yeah, I’m working on that." Whatever you decide to say, say it with confidence. There is no magic phrase that will turn the bully into a friend. You’re just trying to take some attention away from you.
Avoid the bully. You can’t be pushed around if you’re not around to be pushed. Don’t set yourself up to be picked on by being in situations where it’s obvious that you could get hurt. Of course, this only works in certain situations. You can’t stop going to school or avoid every place where the bully might show up.
Get other kids to help you. Bullies don’t pick on everyone. Try to make friends with the large core of non-victims, who can help by using peer pressure to try to get the bully to change.
Stop acting like a victim. Weakness attracts bullies. Stand up straight. Don’t fidget. Look people in the eye instead of looking at the ground. Speak with a firm voice. These behaviors show confidence and make it less likely that you will be picked on.
Don't give bullies a desired reaction. If you cry, whine, respond angrily, or run away, you just give the bully more fuel for the fire. Don't give the bully the satisfaction of seeing you upset. However, don't get this confused with confronting the bully face-to-face. You're not going to fight or retaliate. What you are going to do is change the way you behave--appearing confident instead of fearful--so youcan stop being an obvious target.

As a parent, you should make your child’s school aware of the problem. No school should let this behavior continue. The bully’s parents should be notified about their child’s hostility toward others. A bully needs serious negative consequences if he or she is to change, and not being liked by other kids often isn’t enough. Adults may have to step in and provide effective consequences, or at least create a safe environment for all kids. You have the right to expect this to happen in your child’s school.

This information is taken from What’s Right for Me: Making Good Choices in Relationships, by Ron Herron and Val J. Peter.