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How and When Not to Talk About Your Child's Worries

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I think, when you're talking to your child about fears, it's a slippery slope, because what you can inadvertently do is reinforce those fears by giving them a lot of attention, but you also don't want to ignore it. It just feels wrong to, you know, dismiss it or not respond. I think you have to look at, let's set some parameters around when we're gonna talk about that so your child gets some opportunities to manage some of their distress, and you're gonna get to them and you have a set time to talk about it, and not right at bedtime because those tend to be the times that our brain is rolling, and they're stuck in their fears and, the more we sit and talk with them about that, the more we almost create the problem. So we have to set some parameters around, we're gonna sit down and talk about anything that's been bothering you or worrying you today, we're gonna do that at 5:30 every day, and then anything else, you can write it down and we'll talk about it the next day. And then, when they bring it to you, you're gonna say, "Okay, remember to write that down. We're gonna talk about that. It's really important, we're gonna talk about that later," and what you'll start to see happen is that they, independently, start to manage some of that ​discomfort and the amount of fears will start to decrease.

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