The Social Side Of School Success

When children are in school, they are learning in two distinct but overlapping areas. The first area is academics. This involves completing daily assignments, reviewing and studying for tests, writing reports, reading and many other activities that help children acquire knowledge and grow intellectually.

The second area is social. Children are constantly interacting with their teacher, other students, lunch room staff and even administrators throughout the school day. Success in this area depends on them knowing and using certain social skills that result using positive behaviors, respecting authority, getting along with others and staying out of trouble. Social behaviors like obeying teachers and following the rules are necessary for academic success. But children may not always clearly understand the connection between these two areas. For some kids, not being able to use certain social skills may lead to poor classroom performance. One of your primary responsibilities as a parent is to teach your child that success in school comes from both studying hard as well as using the right social skills at the right time.

Of all the social skills a child must learn, following instructions is the most important. It’s the key to doing well, both socially and academically, and the foundation for all other skills. Here are three ways to help your child learn the skill of following instructions and understand why it’s so important for their school success.

Setting The Stage

Setting Expectations

When children misbehave in school, it’s either because they don’t understand the rules or choose to ignore them. As with any desired action or behavior, the adult authority figure – whether it’s a parent at home or a teacher at school – must teach the child what’s expected of them. After all, how can we expect children to follow the rules if they don’t understand what they are?

Going through the code of conduct for your child’s school with them and reviewing it together from time to time can head off many problems and make their life at school smoother. In addition, your child must learn – ideally, before they reach school age – that they must obey and respect adult authority figures, including teachers.

Using Negative Consequences

When children choose to ignore the rules (in school or at home) simply because they don’t feel like following them, it becomes an issue of deliberate negative behavior that should earn a negative consequence. One of the quickest ways to correct a child’s negative behavior is to take away a privilege, like the use of an electronic device (phone, video games) or access to social media. You’ll be surprised at how fast a once-defiant child comes around if you take away something that they see as a necessity for staying connected to their friends.

The key to effectively using negative consequences to change behavior is to give them dispassionately, like a police officer giving a speeding ticket. Keeping your emotions out of the situation prevents it from escalating and turning into an argument about fairness or some other unrelated issue. Instead, calmly explain the misbehavior, issue the negative consequence, follow through and explain to your child how he or she can regain the privilege.

Catch ’Em Being Good

The flip side to having children earn negative consequences for inappropriate behavior is having them earn positive consequences when they do what is expected. If all you do is criticize your children and issue negative consequences, you create and reinforce a perception in them that you only notice their misbehaviors and not the good things they do. This can lead children to misbehave even more because they think it’s the only way to get your attention.

Instead, we encourage parents to “catch ’em being good” and give lots of praise when it happens. In fact, we recommend that parents praise their children four times for every one time they have to correct misbehavior. This is one of the best ways to motivate kids to display more positive behaviors and fewer negative behaviors. So, if your son keeps his room clean, praise him for it. If your daughter brings home a good grade on a test, praise her for that. Praise can also come with a positive consequence like extra time on the computer or playing outside. We’ve even developed a downloadable tool that lists creative ways to reward your children for being good.