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Trouble Setting Boundaries

Question:

I’m having trouble setting boundaries with my 14-year-old daughter. I’m frustrated and stressed out. I know if she doesn’t get on the right track she could end up becoming self-destructive. How do you discipline a child without all of the stress and drama? How do I let her know I’m putting my foot down and not playing games? She lies to me couldn’t care less about school, and she’s boy crazy. Please help.

Answer:

Thank you for contacting us for help with your parenting situation. Raising children can be challenging, and teenage girls are often another level of challenging.

You need to reestablish your expectations and consequences frequently with your daughter. Weekly, at least, the two of you need to talk about rules, reasons behind the rules and what happens if the rules are or are not followed — consequences.

Be sure to include her in the discussion, especially when identifying the reasons that the rules are necessary.

Along with the weekly discussion mentioned above, it can be helpful to revisit what things in her life are “rights” and what things are “privileges,” as well as the fact that privileges must be earned and can be lost based on behaviors and compliance with the rules.

When she loses privileges due to dishonesty or lack of effort in school, make sure she knows how she can earn those privileges back and exactly what she will need to do to earn them back.

Please let us know how this is going and if there are any specific issues we can help you with.

 
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