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Obsessed with Her Boyfriend

Question:

I have an 18-year-old daughter who is obsessed with her boyfriend. They have been dating for three years, and he is two-and-a-half years older than her. My daughter is smart, beautiful and responsible, but when it comes to this boy, she has no sense. He is a high school dropout with no job and sleeps on his grandmother’s couch. My daughter received a scholarship to a state school with free tuition, and she started in September. Last week, she came home and said that she dropped out because it was too much pressure and she just wants to work full time. I know she quit because of him. I am disgusted. What can I do? Help!

Answer:

Thank you for reaching out and contacting us for help. Parenting is one of the toughest jobs there is, and it is very hard to watch our children making what we consider to be poor choices.

You should focus on what you have control over. Find out what the age of majority is in your state. In many places, individuals who are 18 are considered adults. If this is the case in your state, then you need to decide what you will tolerate in your home. If your daughter is planning on living at home, and you are OK with this, then sit down with her and set some ground rules. You may decide that she will need to work a full-time job and pay rent to be able to stay in your home. If she does not follow through with this or does not agree with your conditions, then you may decide that she needs to find her own place to live and support herself.

It sounds like you have raised a smart and responsible young lady, and she may realize the mistakes she has made. Unfortunately, it may be later on when this happens, or it may not happen at all. You can voice your concerns to her and be there to support her, but ultimately she must make her own choices now, even if you do not agree with them.

We want to support you and your daughter in whatever way we can. Know that we can best serve you by discussing this situation directly at 1-800-448-3000. We have trained counselors available 24 hours a day 7 days a week. We can also assist in finding resources in your location.

 
 
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