You are correct that things must change. Instead of spending time cleaning their house, take time to plan a proposal of how this change will come about.
Start off with a positive point. Let them know that you would like to be part of their lives IF your role is that of a family member. You are not a maid. Then tell them that from your observations, the two of them do not act like a family. Follow up this observation with what you think constitutes a family:
- Families work together, dividing up chores around the house so the house is clean and orderly and laundry is done.
- Meals are cooked and the kitchen is cleaned on a regular basis.
- Family members show respect for one another by speaking appropriately and showing appropriate behavior such as letting one another know where they are and when they will return.
- House rules exist and consequences are issued when the house rules are not followed.
- Families spend time together having fun. This does not have to cost money. Movie nights or game nights in the living room are easy options.
- Families support each other’s interests and are involved. This is as simple as talking at dinnertime about the 15-year-old’s day at school or attending one of his athletic events.
When you have finished describing these characteristics to them, ask them for their suggestions on how to create a family atmosphere. Then divide up the points, asking each person how he will contribute to executing the plan. Working as a family can begin immediately.
You are not a maid. The more you do, the less they will appreciate your efforts. You may not be your boyfriend’s son’s friend, but you can be a “teacher” who helps him understand what it means to be part of a family.
If they aren’t interested in your proposal, then you have a decision to make: Stay with them under the current conditions or say good-bye.
